if my heart has a throne, then it must have a King.
There are times where I come into a space with God and say, “I don’t have the faith to wait for this anymore.”
And He tells me, in a quiet voice: “that’s okay. I have faith enough for the both of us.”
I’ve come to learn that the seed we plant in this season is always from the fruit of the last harvest.
I’ve come to learn that the next season of our life begins by sowing the breakthrough.
It’s not the breakthrough that brought the harvest to life. It was the waiting that brought the harvest. It is the waiting where we must be the most watchful, the most patient, the most valiant, the most caring.
We can’t carry the seeds around with us in our hand or pocket in the waiting and expect them to start growing. We can’t walk around or past the promises that God reveals and expect them to start moving in us.
I had a recent couple of days where I felt insecure in God’s promises – saying, is this really the plan you have for me? Is this really the best path?
An excerpt of me, talking to myself:
“There’s so much more that would make more sense to me”
“I’m not ready to give my fear up, not ready to give my (false) hope up, not ready to not be frustrated”
“I have to keep this to protect myself, protect my dreams, protect from this person, this situation, this problem”
“I’m just feeling trapped by this promise”
And I felt Him over me, in His quiet voice, say
“You can’t go into the next level of My promise, you can’t grow deeper in Me without letting go”
But I still didn’t know how to get un-trapped, how to stop the discouragement, how to stop the breaking and the silence and the frustration that was caught in me.
So I started running. And I ran to Him.
And He showed me that I had borrowed the throne of my heart for the promise over reserving it for Him. He showed me that I was resting so firmly in His promises that I forgot to rest in Him. He showed me that when I was discouraged, when I was hesitating, when I was breaking, when I was frustrated, it was because I was trying to be a detective in the mystery of grace.
Then I surrendered the throne and I surrendered my plans, and Jesus filled them with grace. You see, grace is given, not found.
Grace is like water. It washes, it rinses, it hides, it sinks. I’ll never know how deep it is, how wide it is, what form it’s taking today. It may come in as ice to skate on, it may come in as an ocean to swim in. It might be in the wind, harder to see. I had to learn to recognize the many forms of grace.
Grace helps to grow the seeds we sow and it brings them to the harvest. Grace helps grow the waiting and brings it to the breakthrough. We need good soil, good conditions, a willingness to work and pull the weeds out when they start to choke out the planting. We need faith, belief, acceptance of peace, a willingness to persevere, courage, a watchful eye, and all else that He provides.
And if the throne of my heart has a King, I know now it has to be Jesus.
If the throne of my heart has Jesus, I know I won’t be overwhelmed.
If it is on earth as it is in heaven, I know He is a perfect King.
Just like that, another breakthrough. Just like that, another waiting.