When I saw the sky, I could see it, even though I couldn’t see it, and I realized — even when I feel like I can’t feel Him, even when my guard is down, when I leave my sword and shield in my closet back at home — He is still fighting, still unwavering, still constant. I had to believe it, because if I didn’t, I had nothing.
Take confidence, I hear Him say.
Fear and pride are good fakers.
So I traded my pride and fear for humility and faith and found confidence is not about standing up straight.
Confidence is trusting that anything I need, in any situation, I hold deep within me. That the supernatural power of a supernatural God living inside of me is enough to overcome every hurt, every insecurity, every obstacle, every uncomfortable situation. To resurrect from the ashes and bestow a crown of beauty.
Confidence is knowing it’s ok to look silly, imperfect, flawed and fractured while looking practical, excellent, beautiful and healed all at once, moment to moment, knowing that the breaks in the story are for deep breaths and moving forward, not for being broken.
Even when it hurts, I am safe to heal. I am safe to forgive. I am safe to trade my hesitation for assurance that I will never be unprepared and if I am, I will wait in patience for the answer. I know that it will come. Because all bad things are good in His sight, as all good things are good.
I will try again.
I have decided I will go to great lengths to see the great unfolding come to pass. I continue to wait. I continue to move. I continue to tear out the barriers and draw the chalk line in the dirt, marking boundaries over barriers and crawling over ruins to make it back to the city of hope.
I’ll claim the victory if it’s yours.