My open hand clenched in a fist of victory and rose, ever so slightly, to my heart. I had thought of this moment for a long time, but was afraid of it, and because I was afraid of it, I forgot to pray for it. God brought the moment anyway.
The moment did not unfold the way I had pictured it. I thought I would cry or laugh, but I did not. I thought I would leap, but I did not. I thought I would try to steal the feeling of loneliness back, the heaviness, the memory that chased me faster than I could run from it; but this was the greatest surrender.
Author’s Note: I wanted this post to go differently from here, but in the middle of my typing, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the blog I had back in 2013 (courtesy of my 18 year old self). After slightly frantic Google searching and URL-guessing, I finally remembered the name of it and found the blog I haven’t thought about in years.
I scrolled to the bottom of the page.
Kazoo: March 4, 2013 by Sophie
“A few weeks ago, I attended All-State Group speech with the opportunity to view some of best high school acting and theatre performances in the state.
During the introduction ceremony, a speaker was telling a story about All-State speech and what an honor it is to perform there. (Note: I did not perform, but I went with part of my team to view performances from other schools.)
His story went like this:
“My daughter is an elementary music instructor, and she was getting ready for the first grade play. There was a song right in the middle that required six children to play kazoos… and being a first grader, let’s be honest: it’s pretty much the highest honor you can have. Right before the show, the lead kazoo-ist got sick and had to go home. My daughter turned to a student she knew could do it and said, ‘this is for you, buddy!’ and handed him a kazoo. It was his chance to be the star of the show. Right after she handed him the kazoo, she had to go adjust microphones and get costumes ready, so she didn’t have a chance to see the boy’s reaction.
An aide later told my daughter that the boy looked at that kazoo, looked back at her, and immediately jumped up and down with a giant smile on his face. It was as if the kazoo was the best thing that ever happened to him. It was his time to shine. Today is your kazoo.”
The phrase “today is your kazoo” stood out in my mind. Many of us have had times in our lives that give us that same giddy, exciting feeling the little boy felt when he was handed the kazoo.
Similar to the story, some of us were born with the part to be the lead kazooist. But even if we are not currently the lead kazooist, we can be chosen to be the leader at any time.
Sometimes God chooses us for circumstances that seem too great for us to accomplish, and during those times it is easy to become frightened and afraid.
If you were handed that kazoo, what would your reaction have been?
Would you have jumped up and down like the little boy?
Would you hand it off to someone else?
The real question: Could you become the leader when a leader was needed?
Sometimes, it’s so hard to understand why things are happening the way they are. We don’t want to see our loved ones suffering, our world in turmoil, or our lives broken. But we do – we see it every day, all the time.
“For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession.” -Deuteronomy 7:6
When God hands us that kazoo, He doesn’t just walk away. He hands it to us because He knew we can handle it, and He knows we were ready for that exact moment. He knows we can do amazing things.
Through Him, we won’t ever be left behind. When He chooses us to be the holder of that kazoo, He chooses us because we are His people. He loves us with a depth so great, so wide, and so deep, we could never be left behind.
Today is your chance to do something great– shine your Lord’s light into the darkness. Above all, just remember:
Today is your kazoo.
(Note to self: Your wisdom at 18 applies so well to your self at 23. And tonight, as you celebrated the victory and healing that has taken place since 2013, you are reminded that you saw the victory then, too, in the middle of the battle, when you didn’t understand.
Today is your kazoo.